Ah Kong November 3, 2009
Posted by jessieloi in introspection, something personal.trackback
I just read Audrey’s blog, A Moment of Silence was her most recent entry.
Her entry was short, but I felt extremely sad after reading it. It reminded me of my grandfather.
It was in the year 2000 when he passed away. It was so sudden. That morning, 9 years ago, my grandfather started coughing and I don’t know what happened but what I know is he was sent to the hospital and he died there. I wasn’t by his side.
I was not there during his funeral. I was sitting for UPSR. The day he was buried was my last day of UPSR.
I remembered feeling really bad that I couldn’t be there. I can’t remember what paper was my last paper but I remember so clearly how I tried so hard to hold my tears. I couldn’t concentrate. In my head, I kept saying “I’m sorry Ah Kong. I can’t make it to your funeral. I really want to. I’m sorry you had to go so soon. I’m sorry for not being able to be the best granddaughter you can have. I’m sorry.” I was hoping he could hear me. I almost burst into tears in the exam hall.
Suddenly, a gust of wind entered the hall and, as strange as this may sound, I caught the scent of my grandfather. My grandfather has this smell that is very much, I should say his scent, with his combination of powder, cologne and what not. I remember looking up from my paper immediately when I caught his scent. I thought he was there. I looked around me to see where the smell had come from but nobody was around me, just my friends. I stared into space for awhile, wondering. I realised a few minutes later that maybe, just maybe my grandfather was there with me in the exam hall. Maybe Ah Kong did come. Maybe he heard me and came to tell me that he will always be there for me and supporting me in whatever I do.
I have not told many people about this and I don’t really like talking about it because I don’t know if I can hold my tears when I do. Till now I still believe that Ah Kong was there in the exam hall with me as I took my last UPSR paper.
I still miss him. Sometimes I worry that I might forget how he looks like, how he sounds like and he smells like but I worry too much. I still remember, very clearly.
Jess,this post of yours almost brought tears to my eyes.I believe your grandpa was there with you in the exam hall too.
appreciate those around you and you will never regret it…. i remembered a couple years back, i was in mexico for a job assignment and was having dinner with some co-workers when i got a call from home. i went gasps!! i felt something is wrong. when i answered, what is wrong? i was told “mom is gone”. the mind just went blank, how could that be? i just talked to her last week. it was a tough 36hr plane ride home.
our loved ones face, voice and features will always be embedded in us.. and we will always remember… so when you go home after finals, hug them and tell them you love them.
ok! enough of emo talk.
As ridiculous as this sounds, your freaking post actually did made me cry. I think everything, anime or whatnot, I’ve come across that has something to do with grandparents these days brings tears to my eyes. I’m being ridiculously emotional these days. Haha! I’m so lame sometimes.
this bring tears to my eyes… sorry for my intrusion but i was googling for muka head then stumble upon this. thanks ( ;
my grandma died when i was in form 3… during her funeral, there was a part where everyone were forbidden to look at what the undertaker is doing… we had to bow our heads down, staring on the ground…. i was clueless…. and then i heard hammering… they were sealing her coffin…. and the next thing i knew, i burst out in tears…. my mom and my bro were crying…. that was the first time i saw my brother crying…. my dad too …
life is really fragile… you’ll never know what happens tomorrow… think about what you have done today before you go to bed and when you wake up in the morning, look forward to the day no matter how bad it will be…
good luck for exams!
owh wait… correction ; i’ve seen my dad cried before …
Annie,
Thanks girl. =)
crash,
Yups, we will always remember. I will. Can;t wait for my finals to be over.
Dwee,
You’re not lame la. It’s normal, in your situation, to be emotional. With time, things will get easier.
suemay,
Thanks for the comment =) and I’m sorry I made you cry Haha. Thanks again.
kh,
Thanks Kok Hong!! =)
my grandpa has a semi-stroke and they recently discovered he has Alzheimer’s too. =((( and I got to know all this thousands of miles away through Skype.
take care jess. =)
clem,
I’m so sorry to hear that. =( You take care too. See you soon.